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Famous Quotes Home >> Authors Starting with W >> Quotes By Woody Allen |
| Quote #1: | "It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies." |
| Quote #2: | "Eighty percent of success is showing up." |
| Quote #3: | "Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things." |
| Quote #4: | "I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers." |
| Quote #5: | "If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative." |
| Quote #6: | "More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly." |
| Quote #7: | "Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down." |
| Quote #8: | "It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune." |
| Quote #9: | "Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind." |
| Quote #10: | "When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." |
| Quote #11: | "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying." |
| Quote #12: | "Should I marry W. Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name." |
| Quote #13: | "The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more." |
| Quote #14: | "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." |
| Quote #15: | "I am at two with nature." |
| Quote #16: | "Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable." |
| Quote #17: | "I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick -- not wounded -- dead." |
| Quote #18: | "I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, and receives new truth as an angel from Heaven." |
| Quote #19: | "It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." |
| Quote #20: | "I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia." |
| Quote #21: | "On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down." |
| Quote #22: | "The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion." |
| Quote #23: | "At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time." |
| Quote #24: | "Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats." |
| Quote #25: | "Thought Why does man kill He kills for food. And not only food frequently there must be a beverage." |
| Quote #26: | "Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." |
| Quote #27: | "Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered" |
| Quote #28: | "What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet." |
| Quote #29: | "Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it." |
| Quote #30: | "I tended to place my wife under a pedestal." |
| Quote #31: | "How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter" |
| Quote #32: | "How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size" |
| Quote #33: | "His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy." |
| Quote #34: | "As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on." |
| Quote #35: | "I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." |
| Quote #36: | "I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." |
| Quote #37: | "I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." |
| Quote #38: | "It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." |
| Quote #39: | "If only God would give me some clear sign Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank." |
| Quote #40: | "If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever." |
| Quote #41: | "It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more." |
| Quote #42: | "The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone." |
| Quote #43: | "Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends." |
| Quote #44: | "Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies." |
| Quote #45: | "Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all." |
| Quote #46: | "Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon." |
| Quote #47: | "Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness." |
| Quote #48: | "My one regret in life is that I am not someone else." |
| Quote #49: | "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman" |
| Quote #50: | "The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep." |
| Quote #51: | "To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." |
| Quote #52: | "When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room." |
| Quote #53: | "What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists" |
| Quote #54: | "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." |
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